Here Be Questions

I’m certainly pleased to see that my Pulitzer-winning journalist interviewer is a woman. That’s the sort of thing I can get behind.

However, there are some questions that may be asked. These are the questions that you cannot answer, because of dragons. Therefore, these are the questions I do not wish anyone to ask.

1. What English Premier League team do you follow?
I don’t dare answer this. My dad is an avid supporter of his favourite team. I am also aware that soccer is Everything to some people. There are truly some sports nuts out there. I can casually watch people throw or kick a ball, but in small doses. Too much and I begin glazing over… mmm, cupcakes.

2. What do you do in your spare time?
Once, I answered this question. I was very new to high school, and everything was still shiny and new. I was keen to impress, so I reeled off a long list of stuff, mostly made-up. Nowadays, I’d probably do the opposite and say I don’t have any spare time. Again that would be a misguided attempt to impress, and I think I stopped doing that years ago. Easier just to be me.

3. Are you in a relationship?
Or some variant thereof. I would stare blankly at Ms Pulitzer, because this is no-one’s concern. If yes, then I’d feel required to embellish with details. Alternately, I’d say something that hints at a no, and then that would be sad and possibly offensive to the Significant Other. If not, then I would also hint at no, because it seems to be a strange thing to be a Singleton. At least, that’s what I’ve read. I’ve read Bridget Jones. It struck me with a deep fear of people hinting at the need for a S/O. That stuff makes me grind my teeth, and apparently grinding your teeth is bad.

So if you ever interview me, don’t ask these three and we’ll get along just fine.

 

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