Snark, Snark, Snark

For the sake of my own fun, I’m going to do a Snark Per Week, like the one I did last week on “Firework’. Was it last week? I can’t remember, but it made me relax and have fun and all that good stuff.

I apologize for any incorrect lyrics. This is probably a good place to confirm I don’t own the song or anything related.

When life leaves you high and dry
I’ll be at your door tonight
If you need help, if you need help.
I’ll shut down the city lights,
I’ll lie, cheat, I’ll beg and bribe
To make you well, to make you well.

Oh God. So, okay, what does being high and dry mean? I get that it means to be in trouble, but in what way? What constitutes trouble? Also, what happens if you get in trouble in the morning and then you have to wait all damned day for the narrator to show up? And why at your door, specifically? I feel like the narrator is assuming that you only get in trouble at home, towards evening. Third line – you might wind up needing help. Not quite sure though. The next three lines though: it’s really reassuring to know that Narrator might do all kinds of illegal things to make you well. Since make you well is repeated, does that mean Narrator will do all these things to make you well twice?

I just remembered the other day, defining amoral and immoral to see which one better described a character I hated from a film I didn’t mind.

When enemies are at your door
I’ll carry you away from war
If you need help, if you need help.
What enemies? Who are they? Why are they your enemies? Also, I think Narrator has a knight-in-shining-armour deal. I’d rather walk myself. I’m not The Hulk, but I’m not tiny either. Might get uncomfortable, Narrator, if you’re going to carry me anywhere. And please don’t bang on about needing help.

Your hope dangling by a string
I’ll share in your suffering
To make you well, to make you well.
How the hell does hope dangle from a string? I have an image of there being like this little box, maybe it’s neatly wrapped and there’s a rope attached. The box has in big letters HOPE, and the rope is knotted around a hook. It’s old rope though, fraying and worn. Oh good, now I’m thinking of fishing. It’s a slippery slope, that.

Narrator will share in my suffering! How kind. Especially since that too will make me well. I get the old adage, problem shared is a problem halved, but rather than suffering alongside me, how about a practical solution? That way something might get done, instead of us both being miserable.

Give me reasons to believe
That you would do the same for me.

Ask nicely, and I will.

And I would do it for you, for you.
Baby, I’m not moving on
I love you long after you’re gone.
For you, for you.
You will never sleep alone.
I love you long after you’re gone
And long after you’re gone, gone, gone.

Wait a second, what exactly will you do? I get that it’s for me, but what specifically? Narrator, I find you quite vague. I also get the impression that after I’ve gone, you’ll still love me. Cool. If you could just say it a few more times to reassure me, that’d be excellent. Just so I really know it, deep in my heart.

When you fall like a statue
I’m gon’ be there to catch you
Put you on your feet, you on your feet.
And if your well is empty
Not a thing will prevent me.
Tell me what you need, what do you need?

How do statues fall? Please, by all means catch me. Heaven forbid I pick myself up or even do something to break my fall. Look on the bright side: I’m not a heavy marble statue with the damage power of a baby dragon. Also, what if I don’t want to stand on my feet? Why can’t I stand on my hands? Or I might want to lie or sit down. Jeez.

I almost don’t want to know what you mean by the well is empty. No, I’m not looking at those two lines. As to what I need though, I do need money, so if you want to give me money, money, money, feel free.

I surrender honestly.
You’ve always done the same for me.
Great. I don’t know what you’re surrendering. Credit card, perhaps? And have I really done the same for you? Always? That’s a long time. I don’t know if I have the patience.

*chorus*
no need to repeat here.

You’re my back bone.
You’re my cornerstone.
You’re my crutch when my legs stop moving.
You’re my head start.
You’re my rugged heart.
Blark. Glump. Floop. Snop. Snee. By definition, backbone: vertebral column of a vertebrate organism. Translated, the spine. I don’t want to be your spine. I have enough to deal with already. Besides, does that mean that if I’m taken away, you’re spineless? From Google: cornerstone, a stone that forms the base of a corner of a building, joining two walls. I don’t want to be one of those! Sounds painful and a lot of work. Also, how can I be one? I am the thing that joins two people, ie us? Put all the work on me, why don’t you?

Crutch… I suppose you rely on me for support. Hm. Alright then. I’ll allow it. What’s a rugged heart though? Google tells me of a band and an ebook, but no real definition. Fine.

You’re the poultice that I’ve always needed.
Oh good Lord. I’m a poultice now. I’m a mashed up gloop of heated clay and herbs and stuff. That is so romantic. Seriously, be still my beating heart. Shakespeare pales in comparison, said no one ever.

Like a drum, baby, don’t stop beating.
Like a drum, baby, don’t stop beating.
Like a drum, baby, don’t stop beating.
Like a drum my heart never stops beating…
This bit is catchy. I’m not listening to the song, and I’ve only heard it a handful of times, but I can actually recall the inflection. As in, I’m typing and I can hear the words and pronunciation. It doesn’t even manage to be iambic pentameter, it falls a syllable short. Also, the fourth line is inaccurate, because some day, it will.

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.” Elbert Hubbard, according to brainyquote.com. I always thought it was George Bernard Shaw.

*more repetition*
Smorp. Climp. Terp. Ding. Buzz.

Listened once, didn’t mind. Listened twice, thought about the sound of chattering classmates in comparison. Considering too much chatter makes me want to climb a tree with noise-reducing earphones, that’s kind of a big feat.

By the way, I’m now taking requests. If there’s a song you’d like to see snarked, let me know in the comments.

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